If You're Not My Facebook Friend, Are You Really My Friend?

Dear "Friend,"

We hang out sometimes. Or we work together. I like you. You like me. But if you're not my Facebook friend, we have issues.

You see, if you want to know what I'm up to this weekend, what book I'm reading, or what other friends I'm talking to, you need to see my Facebook profile. Nothing personal, but I have no intention of calling you to invite you out this weekend despite the individual that you are; if you're not in the list of people I can invite to Facebook events, i.e. my Facebook friends, I probably won't invite you. It's not that I don't like you, it's that I'm a busy man. I don't want to look up your e-mail or call you or SMS you. I'm not going to do that because frankly, dear friend, you need a Facebook account.

I want to you, my friend, to know what I'm up to. I want to talk to you about the books I'm reading. I want you to ask me about the New York Times article I thought was interesting.

And I want to know what you're up. If you're someone I lost touch with, changes are I still care how you're doing. Make it easy for me to reconnect. Post something interesting in your status. Help me out. If you're someone I met briefly at party who is now my Facebook friend, let's grow and expand our relationship. Post those pictures, however embarrassing they might be. If I can how you're doing, I'll be sure to ask on your wall. Or if I really like, I might send you a private message. But still, if I really really like you, I might just be old fashioned and send you an SMS. Call me old-fashioned.

So "friend," please, please, please create a Facebook account and be my Facebook friend. It's not creepy or geeky to be Facebook friends with me, even if I barely know. We may have more in common than you know. Write on my wall. Please! And I'll write on yours.

Sincerely,

Facebook Profile #642686356

P.S. If I happen to have asked you out in an ambiguous sort of way via a private Facebook message after briefly meeting you at a party and you weren't quite sure what to do or say, sorry [Amber]. That was probably beyond the limits of acceptable Facebook usage and was a bit lazy. My bad! I'll call you when I'm back from Hawaii (which I planned with the help of some of my Facebook friends) and hopefully you will say yes this time.